How attached are you to your cell phone? Do you take it everywhere you go? Do you keep it near you at all times? Ever dreamt of life before cell phones wistfully? Is your relationship philosophy similar to your cell phone philosophy?

We've all seen the types of relationships where we never see one person without the other. Even when their friends talk about them, it's always as Mike and Angie until the words begin to roll together almost as one. Perhaps the idea at times-- becoming one. Do the people engaged in the relationship ever begin to wonder what happened to them as an individual? Do relationships ask us to become a pairing and no longer remain as a singular I? Is it somehow different when we engage in D/s or M/s? Does D/s or M/s ask that we become more as one? Perhaps just like cell phones, we begin to believe that we simply can't leave the other half of our pairing at home.

I think we need to leave our cells phones and the other half of our pairing at home on occasion. It’s good to have social interaction that doesn’t always include each person in a pairing. I believe it makes us better rounded people who have something to share, other than work, with our other halves. It is for this very reason that making time for ourselves as individuals is equally as important as making time for our relationships. Exploring our individual interests is healthy not merely for ourselves but for our relationships.

Don’t you just hate it when your cell phone drops a call? The unexpected moment where you are disconnected in mid-sentence is an unpleasant surprise. It usually means I am going to have to make more time to finish the conversation as now I have to fight my way back to a working phone connection. Have you ever continued to speak only to find that you told the whole story and no one heard a single word of it?

When was the last time you cut off your primary in mid-sentence completely sure that you knew exactly what they were going to say next?When this happened, did you then have to back track, take more time to listen to find out what they were saying? Did you have to do this after seeing how irritated they were because they knew you didn't get it or understand what they where trying to say? Knowing our intimates well is part of what allows us to feel connection and feel we are understood but we need to leave room for them to do the unexpected. We need to keep our connection strong enough that we're interested enough not to finish their sentences but hear the expected and the new sentence they might speak.

When was the last time you were sure that not a single word you said was heard? Was it like hanging there waiting for a response that wasn't going to come-- dead air space as if you had been completely disconnected? Perhaps you were. We need our cell phones to be reliable and to know the person on the other side has a good enough connection to hear what we’re saying. Is that really different from what we need in our relationships?

Have you ever opened your bill to find roaming charges? You remember the trip, the conversation you had, but there was no warning that there wasn’t a tower in that area. The signal change symbol that did tell you wasn't a help either. It was on your phone but you had the phone to your ear and you weren't looking at the screen. Now you have a giant unexpected bill that was not in your budget.

Have you had the moment where you couldn’t believe your primary didn’t know a core value you held dear? Have you ever said to your primary, how could you not know that about me? Perhaps it’s because you didn’t build a tower (provide information) in that area. Save yourself on roaming charges and take the time to really communicate what’s important to you in way that is understandable to them. Build solid network connections where you have a backup running in case the power in one of the towers goes out. In other words, make sure they understood what you meant and your intention. Don't assume they heard you because their connection may have been faulty. There may be a difference in what they hear versus what you meant when you said what you said. Roaming charges can be costly-- if you have enough of them, you will cancel your contract because your provider is not providing well for your needs. Relationships aren't much different.

We have cell phones to stay connected and select our provider based on our needs. We select providers that we believe are reliable, that won’t exact a cost we’re unable to afford, that give us good entertaining options, and to keep us connected. Connection is what brings us together in our relationships. Having our needs met well is what keeps us happy in our relationships. Not having our needs met helps us to decide to move onto a new relationship.

How are you as a provider? Are you asking your relationship to provide for your needs in a realistic healthy manner? Are you asking your relationship to meet needs that don’t exact too high a cost to your relationship? Are you reliable? How are you working to stay connected in your relationship? Have you built a tower recently? Are you having fun in your relationship because you stay well connected?

So I'm asking-- what kind of cell phone are you?

By Catherine Gross